Lullaby
by April3
Summary: Karen takes on the task of trying to comfort Kamui. (strictly an interaction fic for those who might be worried ^^;;)


~Author's Note: I guess this is for Becky [ http://www.angelfire.com/ego/passingfancy/ ], because it was her idea and also because she wanted someone to write it. :] I don't know if I'm satisfied with this one yet. I suppose it works, but it's sorta mostly a rough draft of what I want. Let me know what you like and didn't like so I can figure what to improve or if I need to improve anything. ^^~

Karen felt the walls around her room groan as lightning hit the top of the house. She opened her eyes and looked thankfully up at the ceiling. Dreams about her mother were never good signs. She got tangled up in them, lost in the maze of maternal misunderstandings and childhood longings. 

She wouldn't be going back to sleep, that was for darn sure. She threw on a robe and quietly padded her way down to a couch. She couldn't bring herself to be too surprised to find Kamui sitting there staring out the window. 

He looked like a puppy left in a cardboard box next to a "free to a good home" sign. No doubt he felt just as abandoned. She knew as soon as she saw him. It was a feeling that was very close to home.

"How long has it been raining?" 

"A few hours."

She sat down on the other end of the couch and looked over at him. His eyes shimmered violet. He was trying not to cry probably for her sake.

She leaned towards him and patted his hand. "You want to talk?"

He shook his head. "No, it's okay."

She smiled wistfully. "Don't say that for my benefit, Kamui. Or for anyone else's. We both know it's not okay. It might not be okay for a long time to come."

He frowned and turned away looking off into the gloomy darkness outside. He muttered something.

"Hm?"

"It's my fault."

She stared out the window. How many times had she told herself that? How many times did he tell himself that? And in the end what good did it do?

"You are only responsible for you--"

She held her hand up and he went to interrupt. She was fairly certain he was going to say that it had been his decision that had triggered all of this, but that was an old, run-down excuse.

"Anything else that happens, the actions and fates of others are not always in your control, Kamui."

He looked down at the floor. "But in the end, I caused all this to happen in the first place."

"It only takes one person to start a fire and it only takes one person to put it out. Even if you started something, others have the power to finish it. Any of us could have said no."

"But it's because of--"

"No. It's because every single one of us is selfish that we're in this mess."

Kamui blinked.

"Don't get me wrong, we all have high, lofty goals in mind, but deep down....we're not just in this for the world, Kamui. What does the world matter if you don't even love yourself?"

She bit her lip before she could continue. It wasn't the kindest light to put things in, but there it was. 

He stared up at her with uncertain, questioning eyes but there was a glint of understanding.

"Some of us want to protect those we love, some of us want to be cared about if just for brief instant, others want to prove that they're worth something, but every single one of us is in this for ourselves," she said gently.

He gave a small nod of acquiescence.

"Now that I've gotten to know you, I do care about you, Kamui, but it didn't start off with this being about you as far as my joining. It as that way for the others as well."

He nodded to that as well. She couldn't help laughing. All of them needed therapy is what this boiled down to. 

He blinked, rather startled, but smiled. How anyone could not care about the boy after seeing one of his achingly lost smiles was beyond her.

"I can't seem to put this the right way at all," she said once she was able to look away. 

"Okay, I'll try again. Hun, you have a good heart, you're a good person so naturally you worry about the rest of us. We worry about you too. But in the end, we're all mature enough to make our own choices. You can't save us from that or take the responsibility for it." 

"....you really think I'm a good person?"

His eyes were watering now and he looked so vulnerable. She gave him a hug more out of impulse than anything else. He seemed startled as though he didn't quite remember what a hug was. 

Well, a hug that wasn't trying to become anything more than that, she added.

He relaxed into it gingerly and sniffed quietly.

"You are definitely a good person, Kamui. You're an amazing person."

There was a long silence during which the hug became more of a mutual embrace. Kamui leaned against her and she ran a hand through his hair. It was a gesture she had always longed to receive herself.

"It's so hard," he whispered.

"Yes, it is. And it's unfair."

It was true that Kamui couldn't save any of the others from their choices or fates, but she wished there was someway to save him from his. 

"I didn't want it to be this way," he said in a broken tone.

"I know."

"If I could make it better..."

"You will make it better, Kamui. You do make it better."

"H-how?"

"It's so simple."

"Huh?"

She smiled down at him as he looked up at her, eyes moist from hidden and shared tears. Then she looked out at the rain which still showed no signs of letting up.

"Because you're you, Kamui. Because of what each of us is looking for. And if the world is going to get better, if needs you in it. It probably doesn't need most of us."

He shook his head violently. "That's not true."

"Yes it is."

"The world needs the rest of you too."

She smiled rather wistfully and remained silent.

"I know you don't think so, but it does, Karen-san."

It was her turn to blink. 

He chuckled. 

She laughed as well. "Who's helping who here?"

He smiled shyly. "It's the truth."

"If you say so," she leaned forward and ruffled his hair gently. 

"Thank you."

She shrugged. "No, thank you."

There was another flash of lightning and drum roll of thunder.

Kamui sighed. "I can't believe I have school tomorrow."

"I'll call you in sick. I can pretend to be your aunt or something," Karen offered.

"Ok, but I probably will be sick from lack of sleep."

"I notice you offer no protest to me lying for you, but when it comes to the world...tsk tsk, young man."

Kamui grinned. "I'm a teenager."

"Lame excuse."

He yawned.

"You can go to sleep. I'll keep an eye on things for you," she said with a wink.

He looked up at her gratefully and gave her a hug. She rested her head on his hair and smiled to herself. 

"Thank you," he whispered before curling up on the couch.

She watched him doze off, pleased with herself when sleep came easily to claim him. She rummaged around for a blanket and placed it over him. The part of her that still wished to be loved felt more at ease now that she had been able to give him some of the comfort and care that she had longer for. She sat down next to him and hoped that she still had time to give him much more.

She watched the rain fall and couldn't help but smile.

~FIN~


End file.
